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The Stale Cold Smell of Morning. March 3, 2008

Posted by roxieroo8125 in Uncategorized.
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Perhaps I am up far too late this evening, but my brain got to thinking and I was just realizing that I will be done with college and college life in about two months.  College has easily been the best period of my life thus far and I’m both dredding and celebrating its end.

I’m dredding the end of late night chats with my roommates in the kitchen.  I’m dredding the lack of drinking on weeknights.  I’m dredding the end of laughing with my friends until we’re on the floor crying, especially when we’re sober.  I’ll miss watching Crosswords with Liz, doing dishes with Sara, looking at funny websites and commenting on Oprah with Michele, quoting West Wing with Jen.  I’ll miss the crashing at various points on campus that I used to do, such as sleeping on the B-14 futon (pre-Stephan), the floor of Ryan’s bedroom, cuddling with Davey, George’s futon, anywhere I could find in C-71, and the multiple places that I started sleeping and never finished.  I will miss eating lunch at the table and doing crosswords with Doug.  Lunch will not be the same if I can’t go and get it with Kate, Megan, or Val.  If I can’t make snide-side-comments to Hannah and Stephan, then to who?  Little adventures to the Pocono’s, New Jersey, New York, and various other points just will not happen after May 11th.  I won’t spend endless hours in the theatre getting ready for a show anymore.  I’m making my last two baby books.  Soon I will chant my last “ave”, my last “Gilda Radner, pray for us” and my last “We don’t suck!”.  I will Kiss the Wall and leave my second family, the Masque.  Kiss the Wall is the day I am dredding most of all because I fear making a fool out of myself and being too emotional.  Considering how emotional I have gotten at the last 3 Kiss the Walls, I can only imagine what my own will be like.

The time at college that I will miss the most are my freshman/sophomore years, and this past summer.  Living in the dorms, as shitty as it was when it actually was happening (aside from living in my Basil’s suite alone) are times I wish still happened.  However, I think I’m just overly sentimental for those times and would hate to actually relive them.

I must remember though that graduation will not be all bad.  Hopefully, I will be going to grad school or getting a sweet job.  I will be living with the love of my life and we will start a new chapter in our relationship.  I know I will be happy with Jason.  I know that living together will be fantastic.  I’ll get a Master’s Degree, I’ll meet new teachers, have new experiences, and *hopefully* live in a new state.  I will really move out of my parent’s house and get on with my life as a whole.

Right now though, at 2:41 am on Monday, March 3, I can really only think about what is ending, not what beginnings are approaching.

Onward.

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Comments»

1. Michele Muller - March 5, 2008

sometimes i feel bipolar because of going back and worth between “god, i can’t wait to get out of this shithole” and “please don’t make me go out there with the adults”

hopefully grad school will help ease your worries, and that you have some sense of where your life is going. know that you are miles ahead of most of us who have absolutely no fucking clue which way to turn next.

for right now, though, let’s just drink all the fucking time.


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